nahshaw: i went out to eat lunch with my mom and i forgot what a knife was called so i asked the waitress for “one of those things that you use to stab people with”
eccyclema: infinidean: goesdownwithship: goesdownwithship: Guys. When the 11th doctor regenerates, they should name the episode: “The Clock Strikes TWELVE” Right guys? Right? So how many people have to like this before it becomes canon. What’d be even better is at some point in the episode a clock falls and hits the Doctor. Literally, THE CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE
i cybered on omegle today
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.
staff: magsby: petition for tumblr staff to leave we don’t want to be here anyway david karp holds us hostage send help
letsgetfoxy: redswanqueen: do you sometimes remember regina’s past, regina’s pain, regina’s life and you start wondering how she can still be alive and you feel so proud of her because she’s still standing after everything she’s been through and then you end up crying because regina mills because i do i read this as regina george and well….she got hit by a bus so
letslikemakememories: watchtheskytonight: satan-official: thearchangeltrickster: bandannarama: iamtonysexual: biptch: don’t make me snap my fingers in a z formation hip rotation booty sensation ＥＴＥＲＮＡＬ ＤＡＭＮＡＴＩＯＮ *snaps fingers in a pentagram formation* *says a Latin incantation* waits for lucifer with anticipation your waiting is over my friends ALL HAIL THE LORD...
year is 2392
child: mommy i can't sleep
mother: don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
mother: WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE WHAT UP, I GOT A BIG COCK
tripnskip: s-tark: where is tony stark to buy tumblr back from yahoo He’s busy arguing with Pepper about 12% of Tumblr.
oh-woah-dope: since this is yahoo, can someone help me please? i held a girl’s hand the other day and she didn’t come to school for like a week. did i made her pregnant?
littlemixbutts: bodenniss: littlemixbutts: i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra and a beautiful voice that i could use to entice cute boys and make them crash their ships and drown at sea so human women could rise as the dominate gender of the land well that escalated quickly paige i’m a lesbian why would i entice cute boys where did you...
anglosexual: chickensandwich: i hate when couples say “we’re pregnant” because there is a very slim chance that they are both pregnant
circumcising: circumcising: sexual orientation: sunburnt ice cream man
thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
ifoundalittlepieceofsunshine: ifyoucarryonthisway: do you ever just wonder about early 2000s fashion ive come to the conclusion they are sims
Fantasy novelist: Alright, time to create my fantasy world. Great thing about this genre is that I can make it anything I want. Could be based on any culture in any place from any time. Could be a mix of places and times, or something newly invented by me. Yup, there is literally nothing out of bounds here.
Fantasy novelist: I'm gonna go with medieval England.
yourvoiceinnovember: Every class has that one student where every time they talk or raise their hand the teacher is just like